What is a Leader? | Ben Sampica

I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine who seemed to be struggling with mixed messaging between what their employer was telling them was a leader and what they had an innate sense of what a leader was. That inspired this blog post.

Before reading what I think a leader is, consider the people you know personally in your life that make you think of them.

Here is my (current) manifesto on what a leader is…

First and foremost, I believe that leadership is a characteristic of an individual. It is NOT a position to which someone can be appointed. Indeed, in my opinion many “managers” (especially in the corporate world) exhibit few qualities anyone would want to emulate (except maybe to climb a corporate ladder).

I believe that everyone has the ability to be a leader. When a leader emerges, they are sometimes unwillingly selected, but have been anoited by people through real action. What might those actions be?

A real leader…

…takes responsibility first, credit last.

When things go right, they push the praise to the team. When things go wrong, even if it wasn’t their fault, they step forward and own the fix.

Examples:

People come to you for clarity, not because they have to.
People voluntarily ask for your input or advice, it’s because they trust your judgment - not your authority.
You take blame quickly, give credit easily.
If something fails, you step forward first.
If something succeeds, you push the spotlight to others.

…does the work they ask of others.

Not necessarily the same tasks, but the same standards. They don’t hide behind “strategy.” They model effort, discipline, and integrity.

Examples:

You hold yourself to the same standards you expect from others. No double standards. No “rules for them, freedom for me.”
You don’t force others to do work you yourself wouldn’t do. In the software world, this requires sympathy for folks that you’re writing software for especially if they are a captive audience that has no choice.

…tells the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

They don’t manage optics, spin, or politics. They say what’s real, clearly and directly, with respect.

For example, plain-speaking, non-violent communication.

…protects the people doing the actual work.

They act as a shield. Blocking chaos, bad decisions, and pointless distractions. They make sure the team has what they need to succeed to the best of their ability; not in the abstract mealy-mouthed corporate sense but actual tangible things.

Examples:

Getting or building the things the team needs to succeed
Advocating and fighting for their team’s professional growth (promotions, $)

…makes decisions.

Not endless meetings trying to get unanimous consent. Not “let’s circle back.” They listen, they think, and they decide - and they accept the consequences.

For example - you make decisions instead of waiting for permission. You don’t freeze. You act. Even if the decision isn’t perfect, the team moves forward.

…lifts others up.

They’re not threatened by smart, capable people. They actively grow them. If someone surpasses them, they’re proud - not insecure.

For example, you’re not threatened by talented teammates. You elevate them and want them to be better than you.

…draws the line.

They say “no” when something is wrong, unethical, unsafe, or unrealistic. They don’t bow to pressure when the right thing is clear.

For example, you shut down distractions, unrealistic demands, and chaos, so the team can actually work.

…listens before they talk.

They don’t assume they know everything. They gather perspective, ask good questions, and adjust based on facts. Leaders are people and people are wrong all the time.

For example, you gather real information instead of assuming you already know everything.

…is consistent.

Not nice one day, unpredictable the next. People know where they stand and what to expect.

For example, when you say you’ll do something, you do it. And not six months from now; in a reasonable amount of time. Consistency is power.

What’s the easiest way to spot a fake leader?

A fake leader needs authority to control people. A real leader earns trust so people choose to follow them.

Examples of behavior:

They need authority to get compliance. If their title vanished, nobody would follow them.
They avoid decisions. They hide behind consensus, “alignment,” or endless meetings to avoid owning any decision.
They take credit and distribute blame. This is textbook fake leadership. People notice immediately.
They talk values but don’t live them. They preach accountability, transparency, or teamwork - yet do none of it themselves.
They get defensive when challenged. Real leaders welcome pressure-testing. Fake ones treat questions as threats.
They hoard information. They keep people in the dark so they stay in control.
They lead with fear or guilt. Intimidation, passive-aggressive comments, or guilt trips - these signal insecurity, not leadership. These people may bully others to get their way, taking advantage of others’ desire to maintain social “order”.
They change behavior depending on who’s watching. They’re “professional” upward and careless or dismissive downward.
They can’t stay calm. They melt under stress, lash out, or vanish when the team needs them most.
Their team is always exhausted, confused, or frustrated. A team’s condition is basically an x-ray of its leadership.

Final note

Real leadership isn’t about being liked, obeyed, or admired, it’s about being trusted. And trust is built through a thousand small, consistent actions, not a job title.